Research Day & some Minor Regrets

Today is the day before I start my internship and I'm using it to get my head in the game. I've been re-reading all of the information that I have on the work that UNCITRAL does and has done. Lex Mercatoria has a great compilation of the conventions and documents prepared by UNCITRAL. I am of the opinion that LM has one of the best compilations of international treatises and documents online. That aside, I know that I won't remember everything that I've read, but I want to have more than just a passing familiarity with the documents that are pertinent to what I may be doing. In reality, I have very little information about what I will be doing when I get there tomorrow. I'm hoping that I have the opportunity to really work with these documents and learn everything I can about the field. The most frustrating thing about the law for me personally is that there is so much of it, I want to know it all, and that is outside the realm of human possibility. I question if there is even a mainframe large enough to contain all the laws from every country in every part of the world. Not to mention the laws that govern relations between them.

Today I can't stop pondering what is going to happen next. I find this partly amusing seeing as I haven't even finished what I've begun. I still have my internship to work through, my paper to write, next semester to pound through, graduation, the bar exam...all that in the next year. Being out here makes me think about what I want to do though. I am so hampered by my student loan debt. I would really, really love to do the Peace Corps for a few years, but Uncle Sam is going to need to be paid. Not only do I have federal loan debt, but private loan debt as well. To the tune of $150K USD. If you don't come from money, it feels like you just can't do undergrad AND professional school in the United States without piles and piles of student loan debt. Taking into consideration that I worked while going to law school to limit my debt, it's frightening to think of what it would be like if I hadn't worked. An acquaintance of mine has a young child and did law school - to cover housing, tuition, daycare and expenses she took over $220K in student loan debt. We've mortgaged our futures. Every one of us. I struggle with the disappointment sometimes in knowing that what I've had to do fiscally to get to where I am will really limit what I can do with the future. I know that this is a choice I've made. Sometimes you have to sacrifice one dream to pursue another. My life has been one great big series of irreversible choices. Law school & debt, not having kids, the work I've done. I can't go back. I can't do it differently. I may never get to the Peace Corps, to the place where I make a difference in the lives of other women, to where I get to help level the playing field for women in the rest of the world, to use the voice I've been given to make a difference for someone besides just me. I may never get to realize that dream. The crashing reality that you really can't have everything. I believe I'll have a great life and really make my mark on the world - but I will do so at the expense of other things. Some days that is such a bitter pill to swallow.