Reality Bites...not just another movie.

I'm struggling with issues today. Today I feel like I hurt a friend and that makes me horribly sad. I feel terrible and like I should have done something more to make sure that it didn't happen, but now I've made my bed and I have to lie in it.

Then there's the crashing back to reality. I had a good long chat with Mathea today about repat'ing. I feel as if there is the me that had all those experiences abroad and the me that left here 7 months ago - the two are trying to reconcile themselves. I want to embrace the person I've become and enjoy it, but there is the reality of the fact that there is the person that people here know and their expectations. Everything is in conflict. She made an excellent point - that I didn't exactly come back to fields of stability. I'm graduating from law school, working toward the bar exam, trying to find the next step in my career, sorting out what that will be. I've widened my search to include opportunities in other states (preferably either D.C., Boston, Philly, or Seattle - quite the motley crew, I know. But it's what I'm interested in.) and other countries thus if the right opportunity comes along I may end up moving this year as well. I have to accept that as a potential eventuality (Michele & Mike are looking to move soon as well - it would be nice to be on the same coast as my best friend again).

Change is going to keep winging at me. All things considered, I think I'm dealing well. People keep throwing curve balls at me - I have to give them room too because they may not have experienced what I'm going through. I just wish I could get some space to process what is going on in my head before I get things lobbed at my head that I have to deal with. Today I'm feeling frustrated. At least I was able to spend time with a good friend who has been through what I'm going through. She talked me through a lot of it. It makes it easier knowing that I'm not alone in this.