Sometimes I get sad...

Thinking about getting a job makes me sad. I know I'm smart and capable, but I don't think that's adequately reflected in my grades. And coming out of law school - that seems to be all anyone cares about. Your grades in law school. It doesn't seem to matter that I worked a REALLY stressful job while I was doing it. I feel smarter than my grades reflect. And it's curious that my entire future may be determined on these grades. Lets face it - what I do right out of law school may determine my future. It will at least set the tone. And I worry about this constantly. I am quantified and reduced to a GPA and a class rank. I want to excel in life - when I don't, I feel somehow worthless. This aspect drags me down and makes me scared. It makes me wonder if I did the wrong thing by trying to work in law school - if my time with my former company will continue to play a determinative role in my future, simply because I tried to do too much a once. How long with that haunt me? I am interested to see how I do this semester - and that interest really is purely clinical because I'll be looking for a job while I'm in the thick of it - because I'm not working and going to school. Just going to classes.

Today I'm worried. I'm worried about my future. Everyone assumes I'm so smart - maybe, maybe not - but it's not reflected in my GPA and that worries me. Why? As I said, in the race for a job in the legal field you are reduced to a set of quantifiable factors - GPA, class rank, age, the tier of the law school you attended. I know that in at least 3 of the 4 I'm not the creme de la creme. I'm just me. If you take me out of the numbers, I'm curious - I have an interesting job history. I've spent the past 9 months abroad and worked with some of the greatest minds in the legal field. I'm continuing to go with that. I've spent time interning with the United Nations - a privilege that is extended to few. I guess it comes down to the employer - if their focus is my numbers, I'm going to be disqualified. If, instead, they focus on everything else...I might stand a chance.