You can't make me!

Since I'm a BIG WHINY BABY - I am not going to have the angiogram done today. This is why:
1) It is being done ONLY to confirm the diagnosis, not actually to diagnose. They are "90% certain" that my condition is CSR.
2) There is no subsequent treatment even after they confirm the diagnosis. The treatment is "wait and watch." In rare cases they seal the leak with a laser, but that is in severe cases & they prefer "wait and watch" first to see if it dissapates on it's own first.
3) I'm having a panic attack over it. They have to dilate my eye & that inevitably makes me pass out which then makes me sick (thank you vasovagal). I can't handle that stress this close to having surgery. Don't try to reason with me - it's like trying to reason with someone who is afraid of flying by telling them it is safer than driving - they don't care.

I am so at the end of my work rope. Yesterday sucked & today is not much better...and oh, it's 8:12 AM?? Just being here makes me crabby. My basic job function makes me crabby. The instant I leave the office, it's all hunky dory - weekends are great, everyone's happy. Then I come back to the office and ROAR!!! It's that I'm tired, I'm stressed, finals are coming, I still really haven't had time to regroup after surgery (witness: Stress Blister in Eyeball), and I'm really sick of dealing with office politics. REALLY sick of it. I DON'T WANT TO BE "NICE!!"

Speaking of nice, I've decided that nice is bunk. One may be cordial, well mannered, kind, friendly, empathetic - you name it. But nice is what people tell you to be when you're being straight with them or short with them - it's what little girls & women are told to be, it's what little boys are told to be when they are hitting people. But nice isn't an expression of a genuine emotion or sincere showing of so-called niceness. It is done contrary to one's actual feelings at the time. As in "I hate her, but I'm being nice" or "He's driving me crazy, but I'm trying really hard to be nice to him." It's not genuine. So why are Minnesotans so PROUD of "Minnesota Nice"? It isn't even REAL. Grrrrr.